I refused to do the puberty challenge.

When I say everyone doing it, it was awkward to process it and decide about it. When you already have 4 years on transition, and your final paperwork is undergoing, you’ve left a lot behind. People doesn’t recognize you anymore, for example. It happened with a professor from uni, with colleagues, anyway. There’re more people who do recognize me, but that’s because they’ve seen me. They have seen me, before and now. And that lead to this thought, why not taking a look on how did I get here, and what I’m creating with the blank canvas that my body is?

1st iteration

Do you remember when I started, right? Building a new style is complicated, when you can finally wear all the options your new body allows you to wear… it’s overwhelming. So, because I couldn’t afford doing it all immediately, I changed little by little, buying everything in fast fashion stores, without knowing a bit about me and my potential. Even with that, the euphoria from the start made me remember that period as a very great one.

2nd iteration

My crisis brought me a new way to see the world. With a broken foot, and broken dreams, I learned to walk again and embraced the dark aesthetic that was part of me through last year. My closet was half black, so… it was easy. A few statement pieces and it worked. But I always want to go further and living in such a monotonous way gets me bored, really.

3rd iteration

Here’s where I am now. I started to work again, paid all of my debt, and since my paperwork got delayed, I started to make an investment. Colors on my clothes. More and better use of makeup. Tailored clothes. Chilean design. Color on my hair. And renew almost all of my shoes. I spent a lot, yup. But I really enjoyed building something that’s consistent, and I see that I can communicate who I am now.

(If you’re not seeing these photos as they should be, blame Chrome’s lack of support for the image-orientation CSS property

4th iteration

What it’s coming. My 30s are really close, the return of Saturn has beaten me, and I think it is time to start living in a more adult way. And looking more adult too. What I’m thinking right now? Paris. And the fact that it’s starting to be a trend too, so it’ll be easy to find stuff. It’s without a doubt, a lot.

(there will be photos when I take them, obvs)

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But, why do I change so much? Am I running from something? Not exactly. I just wanted to be sure that I could live all the time I felt “lost”, to conclude then that even if years go by, all of these Sofias will still living “inside me”. But each day is different, and that’s why I have to choose what of these I want to be. A Sofia for each day.

So, what puberty challenge should I do? Because, when I talk about living two adolescences, I’m serious. And yeah, I behaved like one of them on so many aspects. But I feel like I’m ready to take more responsibilities and leave many things behind. As I already did.

Look at this: When you want to change, you can! It’s difficult, but if that’s what you want and you really want it to happen, as one person said to me a while ago, you won’t stop ‘til you make it. But, at which price? That’s my next article. And, how can I afford it? That’s something for the one after it. :)

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